You're The Adult In The Room

No one is coming to save you.

Many years ago I was Executive Producer on a current affairs show when I got a panicked call from a producer I’d sent on an overseas assignment. She was ringing to tell me the reporter she was working with had been rushed to hospital. It was the weekend and I’d gone into the office to get some contact numbers. I can still feel that moment of realisation: I was the person to call. I was the so-called adult in the room, and it was up to me to make a decision. No one was coming to fix it for me.

It’s been a bit of a toxic trait of mine over the years: come up with an idea, tell someone, and hope they’d join me in bringing it to life. I think sometimes it was a way of hiding my lack of confidence in myself. That way, if nothing came of the idea, it wasn’t just on me.

The problem: waiting for permission

Here’s the thing about midlife reinvention, earning more, or pivoting into something meaningful. You’re probably waiting for someone to give you the green light. A mentor. A boss. A partner. A sign from the universe. Spoiler alert: that person doesn’t exist.

No one is coming to save you. The good news? You don’t need saving.

The real shift happens when you stop outsourcing your decisions to imaginary adults and start making them yourself. That’s not reckless. That’s agency.

Finding your own agency

I remember reading The Four Hour Work Week years ago and being fascinated by the idea that you could actually design your own life. The problem? I knew it but didn’t do it. And I suspect you’re in the same boat. It really is that simple sometimes: being the adult means getting started.

Agency isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about accepting that you’re the only one who can move the needle on your own life. No one else has the same skin in the game. No one else cares as much as you do.

Think about it this way. If you’re waiting for your boss to suggest a pay rise, you’ll be waiting forever. If you’re hoping your partner will encourage you to start that side project, you might get a nod but not momentum. If you’re expecting your industry to suddenly open doors for you, you’ll be standing in the hallway for years. The adults in those scenarios are busy with their own lives. They’re not thinking about your potential nearly as much as you are.

Try this: Write down one decision you’ve been sitting on. The one you keep talking about but haven’t acted on. Now ask yourself honestly: are you waiting for permission, or are you waiting for certainty? Because certainty never comes. Permission, on the other hand, you can give yourself right now. What’s the smallest version of this decision you could make today?

How to take agency over your situation

Start small. You don’t need a five-year plan or a perfectly mapped career trajectory. You need one conversation, one application, one email. The person who asks for the raise gets it more often than the person who waits. The person who pitches the idea gets feedback. The person who takes the course actually learns something.

Being the adult means tolerating discomfort. It means making a decision with incomplete information. It means saying “I don’t know, but I’m going to find out” instead of “I’ll wait until I’m sure.” It means accepting that you might fail, and doing it anyway because the alternative is stagnation.

Here’s what actually happens when you step into this role: you stop hedging your bets by involving other people in your ideas before you’ve even tested them. You stop diluting your vision because you’re afraid of owning it. You start making calls, having conversations, and taking small steps that compound over time. You become someone who gets things done, not someone who talks about getting things done.

The difference between someone who reinvents themselves at forty-five and someone who’s still thinking about it at fifty-five isn’t talent or luck. It’s the willingness to be the adult in the room.

Try this: This week, make one decision without running it past someone else first. One small thing. Notice how it feels. Notice what actually happens. Most of the time, the world doesn’t collapse. In fact, it usually moves forward. You’ll probably realise that your fear of making the wrong call was bigger than the actual consequences of making it.

What actually changes

Back to the medical emergency. I did some adulting. I arranged for the reporter to be medivaced back to New Zealand and to hospital where she made a full recovery. I didn’t wait for someone else to figure it out. I didn’t call a meeting. I made the call.

That’s what being the adult looks like. Not heroic. Not dramatic. Just decisive.

The reinvention you’re after, the earning potential you’re chasing, the meaningful work you’re craving? It’s not waiting for you to be ready. It’s waiting for you to be the adult in the room and claim it. Stop looking for permission. Start looking in the mirror.

All the above is a note to self.