Who’s in Your Corner?

Remember the awkwardness, excitement, and confusion of adolescence? (I know it was a longtime ago but…)

Now imagine going through it alone. During those formative years we had our ride or die friend groups. We were going through it all with others at a similar life stage. It was a shared experience.

For some of us those peer groups have been life long. High school, college/university, and career. But for a lot of us those peer groups have fallen away as our lives have moved in different directions.

So Why Is It?
We seem to think going through mid-life is a solo sport?

There's an unspoken rule that over 40 you're meant to have it all worked out. There's even a level of shame attached if we're unhappy in our careers, facing redundancy, or craving a lifestyle shift.

We don't seek out groups of like-minded people going through the same things. I've struggled with this myself, and I'm working on getting better at it. Hopefully, this article will help both of us.

What Can The Kids Teach Us?

What can we learn from adolescence about change? Peer groups whether friends, sports teams, or even gangs provide a shared experience that helps us find our way. They give us confidence because we see others doing the same things.

The lone wolf might look cool in movies, but in real life, they're usually just lost, confused, and missing out on happy hour.

Ironman – Humble Brag

When in my 50s I decided I wanted to compete in Ironman what did I do? I didn't just go running, cycling, and swimming on my own (hell I could barely even swim at all), I joined a coaching group.

We met at 6am for runs, weekends for 7-hour bike rides followed by a run, and swim squad (and for me swim lessons). Not only did this give me the skills and endurance to compete, but it also gave me confidence. Seeing others beginners, experts, and those just there for fun gave me the encouragement I needed.

So once again what makes us think when we decide to start a business, or we get made redundant, or we decide to learn a new skill that this is something we should be doing alone?

Try this:
Think about a recent challenge you faced alone. Now imagine how different it might have been with a supportive group around you. What specific aspects would have improved?

Why Going Solo Is So Lonely

The risks of going solo are real: heightened self-doubt, decision paralysis, and emotional burnout. Studies show that career and life stagnation can leave people feeling isolated and stuck.

The antidote? Find others who are on the same path.

Even high achievers aren't truly self-made. Everyone has had someone behind them, helping them along. That "overnight success" you admire? Dig deeper and you'll find a network of supporters, mentors, and peers who made it possible.

How Not To Go It Alone

If you're wondering how to find or build your midlife tribe, start by looking online. Join professional networks, community programs, or online courses. Even books and podcasts can help build confidence, even if you're not directly interacting with others.

Social media, when used intentionally, can also be a powerful tool for connecting with like-minded people.

If you're like me, an introverted extrovert, putting yourself out there can feel awkward. But remember your first day of high school? It was uncomfortable, but you found your people quickly. The same can happen now. It might feel difficult at first, but nothing worth doing is ever easy.

Try this:
Commit to one social action this week that puts you in contact with potential peers. Could be as simple as commenting meaningfully on someone's LinkedIn post or attending a virtual meetup. The goal isn't perfection it's connection.

The Power of Not Doing It Alone

As I wrap this up, I'm reminded that seeking support is a strength move, one that leverages your wisdom and experience.

Take a moment to reflect on your current support systems. Where are the gaps? What's one small step you can take to find or build a peer group?

QUICK START: HOW TO FIND YOUR PEER GROUP TODAY

Identify Your Transition

• Get clear on exactly what change you're pursuing

• Consider what kind of support would be most valuable

• Decide if you need in-person or virtual connections

Cast a Wide Net

• Search social platforms using specific keywords (career change, midlife entrepreneurs, etc.)

• Look for established communities in your area of interest

• Ask friends who've made similar transitions for recommendations

Start Small, Stay Consistent

• Begin with low-commitment interactions (online comments, virtual events)

• Schedule regular connection time in your calendar

• Remember: awkwardness fades, connections compound

Try this:
Which of these three steps feels most doable right now? Start there and commit to taking action within 48 hours. Then come back and tell me how it went!