“I’m just not that kind of person.” “I could never do that.” “I’m an introvert / bad with money / not creative / someone who doesn’t sell…”
Sound familiar?
We tend to say these things like objective facts. As if who we are is a fixed identity carved into our DNA.
But here’s a bold thought: What if your personality isn’t permanent? What if it’s a story you’ve been repeating for so long, you mistook it for the truth?
“Who you are isn’t fixed. It’s formed by repetition, belief, and the environments you settle into.”
The Personality Trap We Build With Age
When you’re younger, you try stuff. You’re experimenting, failing, and trying again. But as the years stack up, we all tend to drift into identity autopilot. You land in a job, earn a reputation, settle into habits, and before you know it, you’re living behind a nice, neat label:
The tech guy
The quiet one
The doer, not the dreamer
The person who “just isn’t very good” at [insert thing you’ve avoided for 15 years]
But here’s where it gets tricky: we stop trying new things because we don’t believe they’re “us.” And they’re not “us” because we’ve never tried them.
It’s a brilliant self-fulfilling loop that keeps you nicely stuck.
“Midlife is often when personality turns from identity… into a prison.”
Why This Matters (Right Now) For Us
At this stage of life, many of us feel something shifting. More than ever, you might be questioning the boxes you’ve built around your personality. You’ve ticked some boxes, made some money, proven yourself… and now?
Now it’s not quite enough. That edge of discontent you feel? It’s not a breakdown. It’s growth, trying to get your attention.
As psychologist Dr Benjamin Hardy puts it: Personality isn’t discovered. It’s designed. It’s shaped by your environment, your goals, and crucially the story you tell yourself about who you are.
And stories can change.
Try this:
Pause and finish the sentence: “I’m not the kind of person who…”
Now ask:
Is that true or just convenient?
Have I ever really challenged that belief?
What would future-me say about it?
So What Can You Do About It?
Let’s say you’re someone who’s “not a risk-taker” or “isn’t creative” or “doesn’t like putting yourself out there.” OK says who?
Are those deep truths? Or are they just the habits you’ve practised into permanence?
Olga Khazan, author of Me, But Better, reminds us that it’s small shifts, consistently made, that shape a new identity not radical overnight transformations. The mistake people make when trying to change is thinking it has to come with fanfare and a fireworks display.
Your Environment Is Designing You (Whether You Like It or Not)
One of the sneaky truths about personality is that it’s deeply influenced by context. You’re patient at work, but short-tempered at home. Ambitious in your career, but frozen with self-doubt anywhere near a blank page. That’s not multiple personalities that’s environmental programming.
Which means, if you want to show up differently, you need to:
Change the room you’re in.
Change who you’re around.
Change what you consume, prioritise, and practise.
Hardy calls this psychological flexibility. It’s the ability to see beyond your current self-definition and make decisions your future self will thank you for.
Try this:
Ask yourself:
“Who do I want to be in three years?”
“What would that version of me do next week?”
“What am I doing today that supports or sabotages that version of me?”
Final Word: This Isn’t Reinvention. It’s Revelation.
This isn’t some “brand new you” self-help nonsense. You’re not discarding your past. You’re building on it with clarity, with choice, and with enough courage to stop letting old labels do the driving.
You’re not starting from scratch.
You’re starting from experience.
“Don’t define yourself by your history. Design yourself by your future.”
Reply to this email or write it down for yourself Who do you think you are?
But this time, answer with who you’re becoming. Not who you’ve been.
Let that be your new story.
Want to dig deeper?
If this piece cracked something open for you, these two books are solid next steps:
Personality Isn’t Permanent by Dr. Benjamin Hardy A powerful breakdown of why you're not stuck with the personality you think you have and how to actively shape your future self through intention, environment, and bold decisions.
Me, But Better by Olga KhazanEqual witty and practical, this book explores how small, consistent behaviour changes (not woo-woo reinventions) can help you level up your identity especially if you feel boxed in by past labels.