It’s the strangest thing that at 50 we still find ourselves seeking permission. Grown arse adults, waiting for someone to say you’re allowed to start that business, take that trip, or make that career change.
I’m calling myself out here. Numerous times in the past I’ve come up with an idea (let’s say post-it notes, everyone knows someone who reckons they came up with that), shared it, then done nothing about it. In fact I think the act of sharing the idea was an act of self-sabotage. What? Let me explain.
There have been studies where the people who kept their intentions to themselves were more likely to follow through than those who announced them to all.
It seems the act of sharing your intentions ticks some kind of box in the brain. It convinces itself you’ve actually gone and done something, when no actual progress has been made. This is different to telling someone who’s meant to keep you accountable. We’ve talked before about accountability being the secret sauce to achieving goals, and we’ll no doubt talk about it again.
Sharing the idea was the self-sabotage.
There’s a another version of the same thing. Sometimes we want people to save us. We want approval, or someone to hold our hand when we take on something hard. It’s kind of a get-out clause. If nobody says “sure, let’s do that”, it gives you permission to say “well, maybe it wasn’t such a great idea after all.” That way it’s not your fault for not taking action.
Why the faark is starting something new so hard?
The other thing holding you back is the fear of looking foolish. Being a beginner at your stage of life just feels wrong. You’re meant to feel accomplished, you’re a pro. But nothing new happens without starting over.
Adam Gilbert, the founder of MyBodyTutor, talked about this on the podcast. If we do what we’ve always done, that’s going to feel comfortable. If we do something different, it’s going to feel uncomfortable. And it just means we haven’t done it yet. It’s just new. What’s easy now was once hard. What’s uncomfortable now will soon be comfortable if you stick with it.
If you’ve been following along at all, you’ll know this is where we bring in some old white guys from 2000-odd years ago. Epictetus said, “if you want to improve, be prepared to be foolish.” They knew even back then that nothing comes from standing on the sidelines.
Nothing new happens without starting over.
What the faark do I do with that?
Fair question. Whenever I’ve set out to do something new, the fear of a misstep holds me back. The fear of being a beginner again is sometimes overwhelming.
Try this. First, notice who you’ve actually been waiting on. Say it out loud if you have to. Most of the time there’s no one there, just a version of you hoping someone else will make the call so you don’t have to. Then take the smallest, most embarrassing step today. Write the first bad paragraph. Tell one person it’s already started, not that you’re thinking about it.
Nobody’s coming to give you permission. There’s no letter in the post, no nod from on high.
So give it to yourself.